


Gimpo

by aryaautarky



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANA I LOVE YOU, Jinhwan-Centric, M/M, Polyamory, Slice of Life, set in the year 2023, slight bobdong
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:02:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21630892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aryaautarky/pseuds/aryaautarky
Summary: The year is 2023. Jinhwan, on the brink of thirty, is pushed to navigate himself and his relationships.
Relationships: Goo Junhoe/Kim Jinhwan, Kim Hanbin | B.I/Kim Jinhwan
Comments: 30
Kudos: 70





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TRPLKIM (zouology)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zouology/gifts).



> happy belated birthday ana <33

Jinhwan was making sushi tonight. Hanbin had suggested that they order in like usual, multiple times, but Jinhwan had gotten back from Japan that same afternoon and had driven straight to Hanbin’s with a whole bunch of fancy new tools and ingredients that he was just itching to try out. Besides, it’d been far too long since Hanbin (and himself, honestly) had a home-cooked meal. Jinhwan wasn’t exactly Yunhyeong, but he did know his way around a kitchen. Better than Hanbin, at least.

He carefully sliced the fatty tuna and then the mackerel as precisely as he could, humming to the ending theme song of the anime playing in the living room. Once that was done, he placed the expensive wagyu that he’d gotten from the gourmet markets on the grill and called for Hanbin to help him set up the table. The younger meandered into the space, yawning, but his eyes widened when he saw the spread before him. There was sashimi, nigiri and even a few hand rolls; and then there was the fragrant garlic fried rice to go with the sizzling wagyu that smelled incredible.

“Hyung...” Hanbin got out, clearly in awe of the spread. It made Jinhwan’s chest swell in pride.

“Come on, let’s eat.”

The food tasted really, really good. Hanbin said so, multiple times over the course of the meal but Jinhwan waved it off, attributing it to just having good ingredients. Secretly, though, he was thrilled. It had been a while since they’d gotten to do this; to just have a quiet, domestic night in. Jinhwan was fresh off the back of a four-month long Japanese tour schedule with Junhoe, while Hanbin himself had just finished producing an album for Hayi.

Between their work schedules and the fact that Hanbin now permanently lived out here, in Gimpo- in the same piece of property he had bought while they were all still iKON- things were bound to have gotten a little strained between them. And they had. Jinhwan missed Hanbin so much it hurt… even when they were in the same room together.

“Since when did you get so good at cooking?” Hanbin asked appreciatively, breaking the older’s train of thought and swallowing his final bite. “Fuck, that was good.”

 _“Thirty Things to Know Before You’re Thirty.”_ Jinhwan chuckled in reply, quoting the cover of a magazine he’d read on some flight or the other. “Cooking was one of them.”

“Well, I think you’ve definitely ticked that one off.” Hanbin smiled, stroking his very full (yet very toned) belly. Jinhwan was thoroughly endeared. “What else did list say?”

The older leaned back in his chair, feeling somewhat drowsy from his food coma.

“It said to spend more time with the people you love, let them know how much you value them.” He yawned. “Which is why after you’re done with the dishes, I’m going to treat you to an exclusive cuddle before I pass out the fuck out from fatigue.”

“Exclusive, huh?” Hanbin grinned, getting up to collect the empty plates. “So no one else has gotten these cuddles?”

Jinhwan rolled his eyes in response.

“Careful, your jealousy’s showing.”

“The dishwasher’s broken and I cannot wait for this cuddle.” Hanbin pouted. “Can’t I leave these for Eomma in the morning?"

“Wait, your mum? What happened to Mina?” Jinhwan queried, referring to hanbin’s usual cleaner. Hanbin looked over at his boyfriend, expression one of confusion.

“Mina? She moved to Busan like, a month ago. My mother’s the one who’s been coming in to do the housework these days, we do it together. Didn’t I tell you on the phone?”

“I... I don’t recall?”

“Well...” Hanbin trailed off and shrugged, evidently not knowing how to respond. He didn’t seem mad about it, though. They were past that. “Anyway, you must be exhausted hyung. Get to bed, I’ll be there in fifteen.”

Jinhwan nodded, letting out a yawn before making his way upstairs and into the master bedroom to get washed up and changed. If the conversation downstairs had been any indication, the past few months _(months? Years?)_ had been something of a struggle for their relationship, in terms of communication. There had been missed anniversaries, birthdays, phone calls, sentiments... Still, despite it all, they managed to make it work. Jinhwan always came back to Gimpo. Back to Hanbin.

**

Sometimes, Jinhwan wondered if Hanbin resented the fact that his boyfriend was still an idol. If Jinhwan were in his position, he knew he’d be at least a little bitter. Envious, even. 

After their contracts had (finally) ended, disbandment had been imminent; Jiwon had left to join AOMG, Chanwoo had joined an acting agency and Yunhyeong had gone on to pursue his dream of becoming a celebrity chef. Jinhwan and Junhoe had formed a duo, although almost exclusively performing in Japan. Donghyuk himself did some solo activities here and there, but was much more invested in being a dance instructor and overseeing an annual dance survival program.

Everyone was doing as well as they could for themselves- Hanbin included, he was producing and writing for the crème de la crème of the industry and making serious bank. It was, however, as plain as day that the pain that had been caused to them had not yet been absolved; it was obvious in the way that Jiwon's first two albums at his new label were basically a collection of diss tracks aimed at YG, it was obvious in the way that Jinhwan had to put in every ounce of concentration when he sang an old iKON song so as not to cry, for a whole year following disbandment. They were all still living with it. Jinhwan hated that he wasn’t able to protect them from it as the oldest. That he wasn’t able to protect Hanbin.

Jinhwan and Hanbin had been together a long, long time. Being with Hanbin had almost become a fact of Jinhwan’s life at this point- he couldn’t ever imagine him not being completely enamored with the younger. He still remembered that fateful day they had actually started hooking up; it was after Mix and Match, when they’d finally wrapped up filming and had more emotions than they knew what to do with. Jinhwan was physically and mentally exhausted; Hanbin definitely more so.

Nevertheless, they were debuting! There were celebrations to be had, calls to be made to parents, alcohol to be consumed. And apparently, hand jobs to be given. And received. They got together with all the fanfare present in Hanbin's lyrics- Jinhwan kissed Hanbin full on the mouth as a well-orchestrated dare from Jiwon, but Hanbin didn’t pull away for the next few minutes. The two of them disappeared into a room for the rest of the night thereafter, and that was that.

From there, it took them approximately a year to come clean to each other about their feelings; Hanbin, being Hanbin, needed those twelve months to reconcile both his sexuality and his duties as the leader. But Jinhwan, being Jinhwan, made the decision incredibly easy. He held the same values, always agreed to put the group first and didn’t have the same qualms about his sexuality that Hanbin did. Jinhwan waited the months out in tenacious frustration, but was ultimately rewarded- one balmy summer night, Hanbin called Jinhwan over to the studio and tearfully read out the lyrics to a song he’d written, titled _Adore You_.

 _“I’m in love with you.”_ He’d sniffled when he’d finished. _“I’m sick of hiding it.”_

Jinhwan kissed him hard, his own tears merging with Hanbin’s.

Ever since then, their relationship had grown from strength to strength. Jinhwan made sure that he never took what they had overcome to be together for granted, not even for a second. He was just as in love with Hanbin as he had been when he was twenty-one and nothing in the world, as had been proven time and time again, was going to change that.

**

Gimpo wasn’t all that far from Seoul. It was around 30km to Hanbin’s house from Itaewon, at most. By train, it’d be around an hour. But public transport just wasn’t an option for someone in Jinhwan’s line of work, so he had to drive. He didn’t really mind, not just yet anyway; Seoul traffic was horrendous, but the freedom he now had with his driving license and cars (yes, plural- _duh_ ) was still fresh and sweet. Now, at twenty-nine years of age, he finally had his license and his own place. He had even bought the car of his dreams, a vintage Rolls Royce in baby blue. For regular outings when he’d rather not be found (such as the trip he was making right now) he had a simple black BMW in the garage, too.

He made the drive over to Gimpo without any set plans as such. It was a very rare off day for him since he and Junhoe were gearing up for their Korean debut, so his first thought had been to obviously spend it with Hanbin. He was exhausted from dance practice and rehearsal and definitely didn’t have enough stamina in him for sex- maybe just second base if he eventually got in the mood- so really, all he wanted to do was hang out with his boyfriend. 

Jinhwan pulled into the driveway and got out of the car with a pout already gracing his lips, now fully in the mood to be snuggled and lavished with affection in the way that only Hanbin could provide. As soon as he keyed in the access code and got inside, though, he begrudgingly suspected that he’d need to wait for his cuddle: the floor was vibrating, which meant that the younger was in his basement studio.

It wasn’t as if Hanbin had anyone he had to produce for at the moment in particular, though he was never left free for very long. Even in these brief periods of drought, though, the need for the younger to compose and produce was like an itch that just needed to be scratched, or it would drive the man up the wall. The two great loves of Hanbin’s life were music and Jinhwan.

“Babe,” Jinhwan waved as he entered the room downstairs. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Hanbin smiled in greeting, though his eyes were sort of faraway. Jinhwan’s lips stretched into a line. He knew that look- it would be at least an hour before he could have his boyfriend's undivided attention.

“I’m just gonna chill here, okay?”

“Mmm.”

Jinhwan flopped down on to the couch with a soft sigh. He wasn’t a patient person by nature, but his time in YG and iKON had been a masterclass in waiting and forbearance. To add to that, being the oldest of the members meant that it was a trait that he’d taken upon himself to hone. Patience was something that he’d learned out of necessity.

After what seemed like hours, there was a quick succession of clicks and a familiar sound dinged on the iMac.

Jinhwan laid stock-still on the sofa, still gazing at the ceiling, not wanting to be disappointed. To his utter delight, Hanbin crowded his view a minute later, lips murmuring into his forehead, cheeks and neck.

“Wanna take a walk?”

“Please.”

There was the most gorgeous hiking path that ran just behind Hanbin’s property, though Jinhwan had rarely ever seen anyone else on it except the odd local. It went through what must have once been a park, but was now overgrown with various types of flora and fauna to form a sort of forest. Tall trees filtered the slivers of sunlight that fell on the couple as they walked hand-in-hand through the greenery.

Hanbin was absolutely adorable. No matter how many times they did this, Jinhwan would always catch him stealing shy glances. Which obviously made the older push Hanbin up against the nearest tree to suck his perfect face. It always made Jinhwan feel relatively invincible, being able to be so open with his boyfriend like this. It was something they could never have in Seoul.

“…Do you ever think about moving back?” The older asked as they eventually resumed walking, hands reconnected. He was curious, and wondered if the two years of living in seclusion was taking its toll.

“No… not really.” Hanbin answered promptly, shaking his head. “I’d rather not be accosted in the street.”

Jinhwan held himself back from scoffing.

“Think you’d need to actually be in the streets to be accosted,” He mumbled to himself. Hanbin still had very little contact with the outside world, bar Jinhwan and his immediate family.

Hanbin, fortunately or unfortunately, didn’t seem to hear his boyfriend’s comment.

“Out of sight and out of mind... I’m much better off like this.”

“Do you honestly still believe that?” Jinhwan asked, genuinely concerned. “You can’t possibly think the fans don’t know that you’re the one producing and composing for all these artists. If your sound didn’t give you away, that 131 producer tag certainly does.”

A proud little smile played at the edges of the younger's mouth and Jinhwan knew he’d said the right things. He playfully poked his boyfriend in the ribs.

“People love you, Binnie. Some of them never stopped. You should seriously check social media once in a while.” He said, knowing full-well his boyfriend wouldn’t.

“Never.” Hanbin shook his head, confirming Jinhwan’s thoughts. “But... that’s nice to hear. I guess the songs have been doing well on the charts, so public opinion of me can’t be too bad, right?”

“Right.” Jinhwan nodded, snuggling himself into the younger’s side as best as he could and finally getting the physical contact he’d been craving. “You’re a genius. Don’t you ever forget it.”

“Is that so?” Hanbin quirked a brow, throwing his arm over Jinhwan’s petite frame. “What about that time we argued over the toilet paper?”

Jinhwan looked up at Hanbin in (mock) displeasure, truly unable to believe that he was dating someone who hung the toilet roll _under_ and not _over_.

“...I meant musically. Your genius stops there.”

The two of them laughed and giggled the entire way up the pathway, but Jinhwan's mind was slightly preoccupied; thoughts of Gimpo and the future swirling around his head, demanding to be explored. One look at Hanbin and they'd dissipated, though, making room for something far more warm and secure.

Jinhwan held on to it with everything he had.


	2. 2

Junhoe was easily one of Jinhwan’s favourite people on earth. Top five. Fuck, probably top two. After shit hit the ceiling within their group and company, their friendship had taken on a seriousness and symbiosis that most people didn’t even have in a marriage. Jinhwan often put on a brave face for Hanbin back then, but the second the FaceTime call would end he’d be a mess. A mess that usually ended up in Junhoe’s room with a bottle of whatever they had on hand. The two of them had been able to lean on each other immensely, unconditionally, with no expectations.

So, it made complete sense that when a Japanese entertainment agency gave them the chance to sign a contract as a duo that could promote primarily in Japan, the two of them- admittedly scared for their own careers- hadn’t really thought twice about saying yes.

Jinhwan had no regrets, though, and it didn’t seem like the younger had any either. He’d initially been worried that forming a duo with Junhoe would run the risk of the both of them getting sick of each other, but he soon realised how ridiculous that was; given that Junhoe had spent the entire day with him at dance practice and yet was currently in Jinhwan’s apartment, blasting Blackpink from the surround-sound system and willingly helping him with his household chores.

“Why don’t you just hire a cleaning service?” The younger grumbled, doing a subpar job of sweeping the living room.

“Cleaning services are for messes such as _your_ apartment.” Jinhwan retorted as he wiped the counters down in the kitchen. Junhoe’s own penthouse apartment, just a street away, had essentially become an extended version of his bedroom when they were still living in the dorms (i.e: complete and utter chaos). “Plus, I never asked for your help in the first place.”

Junhoe grunted unintelligibly in response, unable to argue.

“Honestly, I kind of like doing chores like this. It humanizes me.”

A very pronounced scoff was made behind Jinhwan as his bandmate entered the kitchen.

“And you call _me_ the pretentious celebrity.”

“You know what I mean!”

“I do, I do.” Junhoe conceded, a small smile wavering around his lips. He evidently felt it too, given his very presence here. “It’s nice to do normal shit like this. Do you think our fans could imagine us doing chores to _Kill This Love?”_

Jinhwan laughed outright.

“They’ve probably imagined weirder.”

Junhoe gave him a look then, so inexplicably pregnant that the older wanted to run, the direction still undecided. Fortunately for him, it only lasted a second before Junhoe was deflecting all on his own, doing his stupid shadow-boxing moves around the kitchen island.

Jinhwan bit back a fond smile.

“Okay, that’s enough for today. I’m fucking exhausted.”

“Wanna watch Jiwon on that awards show?”

“Jiwon _hyung,”_ Jinhwan’s reply was like clockwork, practically muscle memory. He didn’t know why he still did it, given that Junhoe himself only used the honorific when he pleased with Jinhwan. “Yeah, sure. Let me just finish loading the dishwasher.”

Junhoe made a distant noise in affirmative, having caught a glimpse of himself in the silverware.

“When was the last time you spoke to Jiwon... hyung?”

“At... at that gallery opening, maybe? Yeah. So not that long ago.”

“...that was literally two months ago.”

Jinhwan stopped cleaning for a second, a little unsettled. He mentally did the math and, surely enough, that meeting was a whole two months ago. They’d gone to that exhibition on Junhoe’s birthday weekend in Tokyo. It was now late June.

“Well, with our tour and everything...” he trailed off, the explanation sounding half-assed even to himself. He felt Junhoe clap a gentle hand on his back.

“Hey, don’t worry too much about it. Friendships are weird. Just call him up to hang out one of these days, I’m sure the two of you will be fine.”

But Jinhwan wasn’t having any of the mollycoddling today.

“God, I don’t remember the last time I spoke to any of the guys, other than you and Hanbin.” Jinhwan bit his lip, guilt steadily bubbling up as he turned to face the younger. “When did you last see any of them?”

Junhoe briefly thought about lying to spare the older man’s feelings, but decided against it. He’d already given Jinhwan one out of this conversation.

“...I met Chanwoo and Donghyuk for lunch yesterday.”

 _“Yesterday?”_ Jinhwan asked, incredulous. “Why didn’t you invite me?”

“Maknae line meet up...?” Junhoe trailed off, knowing the older wouldn’t buy it. He sighed, lips forming a line before he spoke. “Even if we’d called you, you wouldn’t have been able to come. You were in Gimpo.”

 _Gimpo_. Jinhwan seemed to be spending more time there than he did in Seoul these days. Most days. He had a fleeting thought about how he should just move there, but that was all it was. A thought.

“Well,” Jinhwan said, feeling defensive, “Let me know next time. I’ll try to work something out.”

 _“Alright.”_ Junhoe enunciated, though it was obvious that he was trying hard to bite his tongue. Jinhwan appreciated it- he was feeling particularly sensitive tonight, too sensitive for whatever snarky comment the younger was keeping down. “Now let’s go watch Jiwon’s expensive ass on TV.”

*

It was _hard_ being an idol. Jinhwan thought that his job would get easier with time and in some ways, it had; there were now bigger budgets, more open-minded audiences, more opportunities to collaborate and perform, more income to support himself and his family. But there was now also less time than ever to himself, and less privacy than ever before _, and he was always so fucking tired._ He- and he’d never utter this out loud- was getting old. His body didn’t look the same as it did before, didn’t move the same either. A lot more effort was required to play the part and keep to Jinhwan’s own self-imposed standards. In addition to that, he was still so fucking _sensitive_ around media and critics alike.

Still, Jinhwan loved being loved. That, coupled with his passion for music and performing, had been what had driven him to pursue this career. So it was still difficult, even after all these years, when people heckled him in public. And it’d always be _him_ \- never Junhoe. No one would _dare_ mess with his tall, masculine duet partner.

It had happened so fast and out of the blue that Jinhwan hadn’t even seen who had said it. Him and Junhoe had been out getting dinner after practice, at a nondescript street food stall that the younger liked to frequent, when someone had jostled him from behind.

 _“Worthless, talentless fuck._ ” They muttered, spitting on Jinhwan’s shoes.

Junhoe had spun around immediately, enraged, fist raised and poised to strike. Jinhwan’s reaction had been instantaneous, both arms around the younger, restraining him before anything could happen.

“ _Don’t_.” He warned in a harsh whisper, digging his fingers into Junhoe’s bicep. “Please, not here.”

Junhoe’s glare on the offender’s back remained steadfast, till Jinhwan took his hand in his own and squeezed. The younger’s scowl faltered slightly before he finally looked down.

“…Are you okay?”

Jinhwan was still clinging on to Junhoe, now seeking as much comfort as he could in public as he slowly processed what had happened. He was _not_ okay. He felt humiliated, embarrassed and angry. He wanted to go back to Junhoe’s mess of an apartment and roll around in all the laundry on the floor together, till his senses filled up with the younger.

He couldn’t do that to him, though. Couldn’t do that to himself.

“Think ‘m gonna go to Gimpo.” Jinhwan mumbled. Junhoe nodded.

After a quick change (in which Junhoe had thrown the offending shoes out and promised to buy him a new pair) Junhoe had been adamant that he drive Jinhwan over to Hanbin’s himself just to make sure the older was okay, insisting he could take a cab back. He wouldn’t take no for an answer and secretly, Jinhwan was elated that he was the one being babied. He didn’t let it happen very often.

When they finally got to Gimpo, Jinhwan thought about inviting Junhoe in, if at all just to see Hanbin- he was pretty sure it had been at least two years since they had last seen each other. But the circumstances were all wrong and the mood was weird, for reasons that Jinhwan just did not want to think about right now. Also, Junhoe hadn't asked. They gave each other a big, long hug before parting ways.

Jinhwan entered the security code and padded softly into the villa, shutting the door loudly so that Hanbin knew he had arrived. He briefly wondered if he should have texted ahead, but he quickly heard Hanbin’s footsteps coming down the stairs.

“Hyung? I hope you’ve eaten already ‘cause I just ate my own weight leftovers.” Hanbin laughed, sounding like he was in a good mood. He stopped at the bottom of the steps when his boyfriend finally came into view. “Babe?”

Jinhwan tried for a smile, but it just wasn’t coming. He never had gotten better at masking his emotions, especially around Hanbin.

“Do you think I’m worthless?” Jinhwan asked in a small voice.

“What? Baby, no. I could never.” Hanbin was crowding into the older’s space in a flash, deep concern etched on his features. “What’s happened?”

“I… don’t wanna talk about it.”

“…Okay.” Hanbin exhaled, on the verge of re-starting his lecture on why communication would Make It Better. He decided against it. “You are so special, hyung. You’re the love of my life, the most beautiful man on earth. You have the voice of an absolute angel and you’re an incredible performer.” He cupped Jinhwan’s cheeks, caressing the smooth skin. “Fuck what anyone else says. You’re gonna kill that debut stage tomorrow. And I’m gonna be right here, waving my lightstick and slogan on the couch when it comes on.”

Jinhwan teared up; overwhelmed at the weight of Hanbin’s affections towards him, but also because the memories of a different time were still so fresh in his mind.

“Thank you.” He croaked. “I love you so much, fuck.”

“I love you too.” Hanbin kissed his boyfriend one, then twice. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Jinhwan looped his arms around the younger, wanting more. It had been a full two weeks since they last seen each other and he could feel all his urges steadily rising.

“Let’s go make out on the couch.” He said, taking Hanbin by the hand.

They sat down together and Jinhwan was immediately all over him, overwhelmed by the sheer love he had for his boyfriend. He pressed open-mouthed kisses up the long column of Hanbin’s neck, roughly biting at his ear- he knew how much it riled his boyfriend up, that Jinhwan was able to leave as many marks on him as possible whereas the older had to remain unmarred. From the ensuing groan and hands on his ass, Jinhwan knew he had Hanbin exactly where he wanted him.

“You have Inkigayo tomorrow...” Hanbin warned, but his words lacked bite and his fingers were already playing with the button on Jinhwan's jeans.

“Please,” Jinhwan whined just so, in just the right tone. He had always known how to manipulate his voice for the younger, in the studio and otherwise. “ _Want_ you. _Need you.”_

Hanbin bit down on his fat bottom lip, giving his minx of a boyfriend a murderous look before wrapping his arms around him and hoisting him up. He carried Jinhwan to the guest bedroom and threw him on to it.

The older immediately gathered his bearings and pulled Hanbin on top of him, almost feral with desire. The both of them made quick work of each other’s shirts, chasing the delicious slide of skin against skin.

“I can’t _stand_ another quick fuck,” Hanbin growled, already pinning the older’s hands above his head. “If we’re doing this, we’re _doing_ this.”

Jinhwan knew exactly what he meant- Hanbin didn’t just _fuck,_ he was just as meticulous as he was with his music. He liked to drive the older to the point of maddening overstimulation just to break him, over and over again. Jinhwan _craved_ it.

“Then let’s do this,” Jinhwan breathed, canting his hips upwards, body desperate for the man above him. “Come on, take me. Ruin me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @thotjinhwan


	3. 3

When Jinhwan woke up the next day, he was immediately aware that something was very wrong. He knew this because he was both awake and relaxed at the same time, and the sun was shining boisterously outside. He immediately jolted himself out of bed, butt naked, a few groggy expletives leaving his lips as he looked for his phone amidst the pile of clothes on the bedroom floor, the limp evident in his steps.

 _“Enghhh?”_ Hanbin groaned, having been jostled awake.

Unfortunately, the idol had no time for morning pleasantries. Jinhwan finally located his phone and saw that there were thirty missed calls from his manager. A few were from Junhoe. It was 10AM, and he was supposed to be on stage in half an hour. His heart sank as he hit call and put the phone on speaker so that he could get dressed at the same time. He thanked whatever higher powers above that him and Hanbin had managed to get cleaned up and showered before going to bed last night.

 _“Where the hell are you?!”_ His manager barked as soon as he picked up the phone, clearly stressed _. “You’re not at home, are you at your sister’s? I’m sending a car to hers so--”_

“No no, don’t do that,” Jinhwan interrupted him, shimmying into his jeans. “Listen, I’m in Gimpo--”

_“Gimpo?! Jinhwan, I swear to god…”_

“But I’ll be in Seoul within the hour!” Jinhwan reasoned hurriedly, pulling his sweater on. “Is there any way we could we delay the performance? Please?”

“ _Jesus Christ_ \- _fine. Okay.”_

“A-And tell Junhoe I’m sorry, please.”

_“You can tell him yourself.”_

The line went dead. Jinhwan didn’t have time to be consumed by guilt, though- there’d be plenty of time for that on the drive over.

Cursing profusely now, Jinhwan jammed his feet into his sneakers and grabbed his wallet and keys off the floor. He hurriedly moved to exit the bedroom, but stopped, his eyes moving to his boyfriend, who had been quietly watching him from the bed. Hanbin’s hair was up in around fifty different directions and for a split second Jinhwan just wanted to drop everything and crawl back into bed to kiss him all over. Instead, he opened his mouth to apologize, but Hanbin was already waving him out.

“Go on, get out of here.”

Jinhwan blew him a quick kiss before running out of the house and into his car.

Jinhwan drove as fast as he could to the venue, making a few calls here and there, doing as much damage control as possible.

“June, fuck, I’m so sorry...” Jinhwan apologized profusely to his duet partner and the staff as he burst into the dressing room an hour later. Stylists and makeup artists immediately rushed to get him changed, not a moment to be wasted. Jinhwan mumbled apologies through all the primping and priming but the staff members merely waved it off; many of the had been at YG and he had always been well-loved by them, after all.

Junhoe, on the other hand, didn’t speak a word to Jinhwan- a classic tell that he was mad.

“I can’t believe you.” The younger finally muttered, eyes trained forward on his own reflection in the dressing room mirror. Pissy, grumpy Junhoe- that Jinhwan could take, but this time the younger sounded hurt. The older hated it.

Jinhwan used every bit of willpower to not engage, not trusting himself to speak. He was too scared of saying the wrong thing and having the other blow up. Plus, it was far too close to show time and he knew that any argument with Junhoe needed at least half a day to be resolved.

The performance went pretty well, in Jinhwan’s opinion. They always did at this point; they had been doing this for a long time now, but it lacked the chemistry that their usual stages had. Jinhwan wondered if the audience could tell too. Thankfully, though, it didn’t seem like it- the crowd went absolutely nuts at the end of the taping, seemingly just happy to see the both of them finally perform in Korea again. Some were even wearing their iKON merch from years back, but almost every single one of them were waving their konbats that had long been discontinued. 

The sight brought tears to Jinhwan’s eyes and as he locked eyes with Junhoe, he knew the younger was feeling it too.

“Please enjoy the tteokbokki stand outside the venue, free of charge for all of you.” Jinhwan bowed deeply, multiple times in gratitude. “Once again, I’m so sorry for the delay! Thank you again for supporting us. We hope to see you again very soon!”

Junhoe looked at him in surprise hearing the mention of the gesture and Jinhwan couldn’t help but give him a smug little wink. Really, Jinhwan had Yunhyeong’s catering company to thank- one call while he was driving over and their friend had been more than willing to help out.

When Jinhwan finally got home that evening after the show, after the fan-meet, interviews and briefings, when his face had been thoroughly cleansed of makeup and he’d gone for his post-show wind-down stretching… he was not in the best mood. He was exhausted and he hadn’t even gotten to speak to Junhoe about what had happened that morning because he’d slipped out while Jinhwan was getting changed.

Jinhwan just wanted to just collapse on the couch and drift into sweet subconsciousness. So he did. He was about to doze off when his phone started buzzing. He contemplated not answering it for a second- god knew he’d earned this nap- but the special ringtone playing indicated that Hanbin was calling, and Jinhwan knew that his concern for the younger would never let him sleep peacefully, anyway.

“...Hello?”

“Hi. How’d it go, hyung?” Hanbin’s voice sounded sleepy and soothing, and Jinhwan wanted to curl up in it and make a home there. He sighed instead, stretching out on his plush sofa like a cat.

“Not great. I mean, the performance went well... but June’s pissed at me.”

Hanbin snorted quietly on the other end.

“I’m sure he’ll come around... it’s him. And it’s you.”

There was a long-standing bout of jealousy that Jinhwan was able detect in his boyfriend’s tone, but he just did not have the energy to deal with it right now.

“Mhmm,” He hummed neutrally, refusing to engage. “I mean, I was pretty unprofessional. I get it.”

“Well--”

A series of loud knocks at Jinhwan’s door interrupted whatever Hanbin was going to say next. 

“Give me a sec, someone’s at the door.” Jinhwan said, quickly pulling on a t-shirt. He opened the door and was surprised to find Junhoe on the other side, looking sheepish with a bottle of what looked to be their favourite whiskey. The older’s gaze automatically turned fond.

“Hey, can I call you back in a while?” Jinhwan asked into the phone.

“It’s him, isn’t it?” Hanbin questioned, sounding approximately 5 times more jealous than he did at the start of the call. Jinhwan resisted the urge to roll his eyes- he would’ve, had Junhoe not been here, but didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

“Yes. I’ll call you back, okay?”

“...okay. Love you.”

 _God, Hanbin was petty._

“...love you too.”

He hung up and leaned against the door frame, meeting the younger’s gaze. Junhoe’s thick brows were currently furrowed and Jinhwan knew him well enough to know exactly what was coming next.

“Was that Hanbin?”

The older pursed his lips. Junhoe and Hanbin were definitely more alike than they thought.

“Does us consuming that whiskey depend on my answer?” He asked, trying to keep the mood playful.

Junhoe scuffed his shoe on the carpet and muttered a quiet ‘ _no_ ’, looking every bit the petulant teenager he was when they’d first met. Jinhwan’s expression turned sincere.

“I’m so sorry about today, June. I really am. You know I’ve never pulled anything like this before and I swear to you it will never happen again.”

“I forgive you.” Junhoe admitted, sounding pretty earnest himself. He took a deep breath, averting his eyes. “I... I just really wanted everything to go off without a hitch today. I don’t want the Korean fans to think we’re treating them as less-than, I don’t want another do-over of that stupid scandal from all those years ago.”

Jinhwan’s chest clenched painfully, the memory of that time causing a surge of protectiveness .

“God, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Junhoe.”

Junhoe shrugged, the makings of a genuine smile finally gracing his features for the first time that day.

“I hope you forgive me too, for being such an asshole about it.”

Jinhwan opened the door wide and beckoned him in.

“I was never even mad.”

Spending time with Junhoe was as easy as breathing. They had so many similarities in taste, yet their personalities were completely different, and somehow that had proven to be the foundation of the greatest friendship Jinhwan had ever known in his life.

The two of them ordered fried chicken (they’d finessed a life-long discount code after an ambassadorship) and put on one of those unnecessarily-deep Japanese movies that the both of them so thoroughly enjoyed, before they got to drinking.

Jinhwan waited for Junhoe to start on his fourth glass of whiskey before starting to probe.

“There’s something else on your mind, isn’t there?”

Junhoe made a noise of questioning that was three notes too high in pitch and Jinhwan cocked his head, brows raised.

“Thought so. Come on, talk to me.”

“…Am I allowed to feel anything about it?” Junhoe asked after a few beats, staring into his glass. “My opinion shouldn’t really matter, should it?”

“Except it does.” Jinhwan insisted, bottom lip jutting out for extra emphasis. “Whatever this is about, it matters to me, June. You’re my best friend.”

“Hyung--”

“No, I mean it.” Jinhwan interrupted him, feeling a sense of urgency now. He didn’t ever want Junhoe to think that he took their relationship for granted- the thought honestly pained him. “I’m not saying this just to suck up after today... I really don’t know what I’d do without you in my life. And so if something I’m doing is upsetting you, I wanna hear about it. I wanna talk about it with you.” He finished blinking rapidly, tears having made there way to his eyes somewhere during that sentence. He hated that he got so emotional so fast.

Junhoe recognized this immediately, putting a hand over his and squeezing it in comfort.

“I feel the same way.” He said. He still looked mildly uncomfortable with his pressed his lips together, so Jinhwan kept holding his hand, stroking the back of the younger’s with his thumb. It seemed to soothe Junhoe, who eventually kept talking. “Look, I’m gonna be honest with you. This whole thing with Hanbin hyung...” He exhaled. Jinhwan was suddenly absolutely terrified of what was about to come next, but life had apparently decided to be good to him. “He was our friend too, you know? And the rest of us never see him. _Ever_. I mean, I get that he can’t just come on over to Seoul but...”

“You feel forgotten.” Jinhwan realised, squeezing the larger hand.

“Yeah.” The younger boy nodded, returning the gesture. “Exactly. When this whole mess started, talking on the group chat was fine for a while; but I guess I really doubted how valuable that face-to-face communication was.”

Jinhwan blinked, taking it all in. Junhoe was completely right; after disbandment, everyone had sort of gone their separate ways, but the six of them who lived in Seoul had never lost touch. And a lot of that could be attributed to the fact that they lived in the same city, not because of the scandal all those years ago. Hanbin was an introvert by nature, and always needed to be included rather than being the one who facilitated inclusivity in social settings, so he saw how that could have broken down relations in the group.

“Honestly...” Junhoe continued. “That’s probably why the rest of the guys are kinda distant with you, too. We _never_ get to see Hanbin yet here you are, riding his dick everyday...”

“Hey!” Jinhwan yelped, offended, hurling a pillow at him. “How do you know I don’t top?!”

Junhoe gave him a look, struggling to keep his laughter in.

“Well... do you?”

“You know what? I don’t need to answer that.” Jinhwan retorted, instead getting up off the couch in a huff and taking the empty glasses to the sink. He blushed furiously as he heard his friend’s raucous laughter in the background. “Oh, fuck you!”

**

Jinhwan made the trip over to Gimpo the next day with a clear mission in mind.

“Hey…” Hanbin opened the door for him upon his arrival, eyeing his boyfriend suspiciously. It was only 10AM on a weekend and his significant other almost always spent those sleeping in.

“Hi!” Jinhwan sing-songed, waltzing into the kitchen with two large shopping bags. He gestured with his head to his car outside. “Can you please bring in that box that’s in the backseat?”

Hanbin still looked mildly confused, but nodded and complied. A minute later, he was hauling in a sizeable crate and setting it down near the kitchen island. His brows almost shot upwards off his face when he moved the packaging and took a look at its contents- it was chock-full with bottles of expensive wines, whiskies and beers.

“Were you stocking up for the entire decade or something?” He asked warily. “You know that I’m still a lightweight, right? Three glasses are all it takes.”

“Well it’s not all for you, silly.” Jinhwan tutted, taking out the new cutlery and crystal glassware he’d taken the liberty of buying. “We’re having guests.”

Jinhwan was glad that Hanbin had put the alcohol down before hearing the news, because the younger looked utterly flummoxed at the news.

_“Guests?”_

“Yeah. Guests.” Jinhwan reiterated. “Five in total... Seven, including us.”

The older watched Hanbin like a hawk while unpackaging the cutlery, searching his face for signs. If he reacted badly, there was just enough time for the older to postpone- or outright cancel- the meet up.

 _“Seven.”_ Hanbin repeated, his eyes getting watery. He looked up at the ceiling and blinked rapidly. “It’s been so long...”

“Too long.” Jinhwan murmured in relief, setting down the silverware and walking over to stand in front of his boyfriend. He gently thumbed away a tear that had started to trickle down Hanbin’s perfect face. “Is that okay? They all want to see you, Bin-ah. They miss you.”

Hanbin wiped his eyes on his sleeve and pulled the older in for a tight hug, too choked up to respond. Jinhwan smiled into the embrace, holding the younger close.


	4. 4

The next day was spent in a rush of tidying up and preparing for the dinner. Hanbin had never had guests over to his villa other than his mother, Jinhwan and Hanbyul; but even then, the latter were more than happy to just have take-out on the couch.

The guys would be happy with just chicken and beer at a hole-in-the-wall joint, Jinhwan knew, but tonight was important. It had to be treated as such. Jinhwan had not skimped on any of the details for tonight- the silverware was actual sterling silver, the glassware crystal, the candles were Jo Malone and the flowers were from the florist who had done his sister’s wedding.

Hanbin had been ordered around the entire day by his boyfriend, but didn’t complain one bit. In fact, he barely said anything at all; the older suspected that he was happy to be kept busy so that his mind wouldn’t conjure up all the possible ways in which the evening could go wrong. Jinhwan couldn’t have that- no, that was _his_ job.

Yunhyeong arrived first, because of course he did; but also because he had also very graciously offered to cook for their little dinner. Jinhwan couldn’t believe the incredible aromas that wafted from the dishes that Yunhyeong brought inside the house as he helped the younger bring in said food from the catering truck outside, proudly labelled _‘Songchelin Catering Co.’._

“I’m so glad you decided to do this, hyung.” Said Yunhyeong, giving the older a hug when they had brought in most of the supplies. “This really is long overdue.”

Jinhwan smiled, returning the hug with an extra squeeze. It was so good to have his reassurance; the younger’s gentle, optimistic nature was something he’d honestly missed. They broke apart and the older’s eyes took in the amount of food on the kitchen countertops, his eyes going wide.

“This smells amazing, holy fuck.” Jinhwan praised as he lifted the lid off one of the dishes. “What is it?” 

“It’s a special seafood stew.” Yunhyeong beamed, always appreciative of a compliment. “I’ve brought meat from my parents’ shop to grill, too, along with some other things.”

Jinhwan’s entire face lit up, only interested in the first part of that sentence.

“Brisket? Pork jowl?”

“You know it.” The younger chuckled, looking quite pleased with himself. But before Jinhwan could tell him just how great he was and that there honestly wasn’t a better person on the earth except for maybe Donghyuk; another soft, firm voice joined the room.

“It smells so good in here.”

The two men looked up and saw Hanbin at the top of stairs, almost shyly making his way down. Jinhwan tensed up in anticipation of Yunhyeong’s reaction, but really, he had nothing to be worried about; Yunhyeong rushed to Hanbin like a doting mother, arms open wide to give him the biggest hug.

“Hanbin-ah!” He cried, patting him on the back once they broke apart. “Wow... it’s wonderful to see you. You look great.”

“It’s great to see you too, hyung.” Hanbin smiled, and Jinhwan was almost sure his eyes were getting a little misty.

“I’ve missed you very much, Hanbin. Your place looks incredible, by the way. You _must_ give me a tour after I’ve set up, and then you have _got_ to let me come cook for you once in a while." Yunhyeong gestured excitedly at the kitchen space around him. "This place is huge!”

“I’ve missed you, hyung.” Hanbin laughed as he moved to help set up.

Shortly after, Jiwon, Donghyuk and Chanwoo arrived at the villa; all smiles, wielding buckets of the positive, extroverted energy that Jinhwan was counting on to make the night a success. Conversation flowed easily, the three most recent guests had been just as enthusiastic to see Hanbin as Yunhyeong had. Jiwon in particular was almost bouncing off the walls, talking a mile a minute and asking Hanbin if he had heard his albums; the younger had, of course, listened to every track and every interview.

“What are you? A buzzfeed quiz?” Donghyuk had scolded when he had asked Hanbin what his favourite music video had been. “Cut it out!”

Jinhwan was overjoyed at everyone getting along so well, but he couldn’t shake the nagging anxiety at the back of his mind, presently voiced by Chanwoo.

“Is Junhoe coming?” The question was directed at the oldest.

 _Was_ Junhoe coming? Jinhwan wasn’t sure. He had informed his duet partner via the same group chat that the rest of the guys were on, but had received no reply. 

“Probably just late as usual.” Donghyuk answered for him. “He never gets anywhere on time.”

At that very second, a bell rang and the front door was being pushed open to reveal the last member of their party. Jinhwan held his breath: this was really what he’d been stressing over the entire day- this very meeting.

To his amazement, though (and certainly to Hanbin’s as well, if his face was anything to go by), Junhoe charged past all the guys and went straight up to their leader, hand outstretched as he clutched a gift bag.

“I, uh, brought you a housewarming present.”

“Th-thanks.” Hanbin stuttered in surprise, accepting the gift. He immediately peered into the bag unabashedly. “...can I look?”

Jinhwan was one second away from chastising his boyfriend for being rude, but Junhoe was nodding keenly so he held his tongue.

Everyone gathered around in interest as Hanbin pried open the bag to reveal a photo frame. But this wasn’t just any old photo frame. No… Jinhwan remembered the picture in it well- it was a post-show shot taken from the night of their debut concert. They were all sprawled out on some couch backstage, one top of the other, mouths open in absolute glee- they looked so _ridiculous_ , snapbacks galore, complete with Caucasian Junhoe and Jinhwan’s own absurd auburn perm; but by god did they look euphoric. The love and pure joy in the picture practically radiated off of the glossy paper and through the glass of the frame, the effect of the captured moment almost tangible. Even to this very day.

Hanbin blinked at it in awe before he was enveloping Junhoe in a tight hug.

“I love it.” He said, his voice taut with emotion. “Thank you, thank you for coming.”

“I wouldn’t have missed this for the world, hyung.” Junhoe embraced him just as hard.

The night went perfectly, better than Jinhwan could have ever imagined. He felt silly for assuming that the whole exercise would be exactly that: draining, tiring, tedious. Instead, it seemed like it was going to be quite a task to get all of them to even think about finishing up and going home- Yunhyeong had repeatedly complained to the raucuously drunk lot that they needed to eat because _‘I didn’t do all this cooking for nothing, you rascals!’_ only to be ridiculed by Junhoe, because _‘who even says rascal anymore?!’_. Jinhwan had half a mind to suggest that they all get blankets out and have a big sleepover in the living room like they used to in the dorms, but alas, they were all adults now. _Adultier_ adults. And tomorrow was a weekday.

Best of all, to Jinhwan at least, Hanbin looked so completely and utterly content and blissed out in everyone’s presence. It filled the oldest with such inexplicable joy to see his boyfriend joke, banter and converse so animatedly with their friends, to see slivers of the boy that he’d initially fallen so deeply for, rise to the surface once more. There was a time when Jinhwan didn’t ever think it would be like this again, that the seven of them would be _them_ again.

Overcome with too many feelings for him to deal with alone, Jinhwan feigned asking Hanbin for help finding their soju glasses, but dragged him into the corridor and pushed him into the guest bathroom. He hurriedly locked the door and kissed the younger full on the mouth, pushing him aggressively against the tiles. Hanbin took a second to respond- likely still wondering where their glassware was- but caught on quickly, kissing Jinhwan back with the force and dominance they’d both come to crave.

“What...?” He whispered as they broke apart, stroking his boyfriend’s hair back. “Soju glasses...?”

“We don’t have any. I forgot to buy them.” The older murmured, pulling Hanbin down again for another sloppy kiss. “I love you.” Jinhwan couldn’t explain himself any other way, leaning into the chest in front of him. “I just love you, baby...”

Hanbin responded by having the older cum into his hand in under two minutes.

At some point during the night, after many glasses of water, Jinhwan noticed that Junhoe was missing. He got up from his spot to go find him; he had not forgotten about what had transpired at the start of the night and felt it was only right that the younger was acknowledged properly. Junhoe and Hanbin loved each other. Always had, probably always would. He had never doubted that- he just didn’t know if they’d known it of each other. Tonight had been monumental, if not for them, then at least for Jinhwan’s mental health.

“Hey.” Jinhwan found his best friend in the kitchen, fixing himself a drink. “I just came in here to say thank you.”

“…for what?” Junhoe asked, decidedly distracted by a slippery ice cube that he was trying to get out of a bowl with a spoon.

The older sighed fondly and handed him a pair of tongs from the kitchen drawer.

“Being here. Making an effort.” Jinhwan reached out and squeezed the other’s arm. “I know it means the world to Hanbin. It definitely does to me.”

Junhoe’s ears went red as he accepted the tongs. Jinhwan couldn’t tell if it was because he wasn’t expecting such sincerity so suddenly or because… _never mind_. There was a few seconds’ silence as the younger conquered the ice cubes and carefully poured in the spirit.

“I really wanted Hanbin hyung to _know_ , you know?” Junhoe finally stressed, getting another bag of ice out of the freezer. “That we still care. That he’s still my brother.” His pensive expression immediately turned alarmed as he turned to face the older, who had apparently started sniffling quietly beside him. “Oh my god- _stop_ crying please, he’s gonna come in here and beat the shit outta me if he thinks I made you sad!”

“Shut up!” Jinhwan spluttered, dabbing his eyes hurriedly with his shirtsleeve. “I’m just… happy. Maybe a little buzzed too.”

“Well, could you do that _looking_ a little happier?” Junhoe bantered lightly, handing him a drink. Yamazaki, soda, a squirt of lime and two cubes of ice- just how Jinhwan liked it.

The older pouted for a second before gratefully accepting the glass. He took a large gulp and wiped at his eyes again.

“Better now?”

“Mmm, definitely.”

Seemingly out of nowhere, Junhoe reached out towards Jinhwan’s face and the older immediately tensed up, not knowing what to expect. As if in a trance, his eyes closed on their own accord and his body leaned forward, but one gentle touch on his cheek and he heard Junhoe clearing his throat.

He opened his eyes to find the younger looking anywhere but at him.

“You had a stray lash.” He muttered.

“…oh.” Jinhwan replied lamely.

“Come on, let’s get back out there.”

They finally sat down for dinner at around eleven o’clock, much to Yunhyeong’s relief and chagrin. Actually seeing the feast being laid out was what ultimately shut the tipsy men up; delicious, delectable aromas filled the room as their second oldest instructed his catering staff to set the table and lay their dishes out.

Hanbin and the rest of the members thanked Yunhyeong for his efforts profusely.

Just as they were about to tuck in, Donghyuk leapt to his feet, the force of his action rattling the entire table.

 _“Wait!”_ Donghyuk cried animatedly, a strange expression on his face as he surveyed the tabletop. “This meal...” he looked up at Yunhyeong with purpose. “Episode five. Your episode.”

Yunhyeong didn’t even try to hide it, he nodded with a sad sort of smile on his face, a sentimental tear already making itself known on his cheek. Slowly, one by one, the guys started to realize what Donghyuk had pointed out: this was the exact same meal that they’d shared together on the fifth episode of their reality program, iKON TV. The seafood stew, potato pancakes, the vegetables, kimchi, the meat for grilling… it was all right there before them.

“You’ve really outdone yourself, hyung.” Chanwoo ultimately spoke for all of them, a tenderness present in his voice that Jinhwan didn’t think he had ever heard before.

“I love you guys.” Yunhyeong professed shyly, raising a glass. “To us. To _family.”_

_“To family!”_

Everyone dug into the food afterwards, but not before they each discreetly wiped their eyes on their napkins.

“This is nice.” Jiwon grinned, taking a big gulp of beer. Him and Jinhwan were seated next to each other on the opposite end of the dining table, away from the others who were fighting over the last bit of dessert.

Jinhwan smiled back in response as he watched the rest of their members; Chanwoo roasting the hell out of Yunyhyeong- _‘I swear I saw a bald spot right there hyung’_ \- and the rest of the guys hooting and hollering, adding fuel to the fire.

“We should do this more often.” Jinhwan finally answered, looking at Jiwon intently. “And by we, I also mean _we_. As in you and I.”

The rapper looked almost ashamed, twiddling his thumbs.

“I’m shitty at keeping in contact, I know.”

“It’s alright. I am too.”

And that was all it apparently took. Jiwon’s posture immediately relaxed as he let his shoulders slump so he could sit more comfortably in his seat.

“So... you and Hanbin huh.” The rapper gestured, trying to make conversation. “Still going strong. “

“Uhuh.” Jinhwan nodded with a smile. He snuck another blissful glance at his lover- seeing Hanbin happy was another type of drug. “What about you? Last I heard you had given half of Gangnam herpes.”

It was the proverbial joke of the group, that Jiwon slept with a different model every night. It was an expected part of his lifestyle now- the territory that came with being the biggest artist in the K-Hip Hop scene.

“Very funny.” The younger commented dryly. “I haven’t gotten laid in two years.”

 _“Right.”_ Jinhwan rolled his eyes, taking a sip of his drink. When the other didn’t reply, he looked over in disbelief. “Wait- you mean to tell me that big time AOMG rapper Bobby isn’t blowing stacks and fucking bitches like he says he is in his songs?"

Jiwon didn’t answer, eyes trained intently on the other end of the room. Jinhwan followed his gaze and his jaw dropped.

“No way... Donghyuk?” The older whispered in shock. For how long had he been out of the loop? “Since when?”

“Since forever.” Jiwon sighed loudly, sounding pained. “I don’t know why I haven’t done anything about it, fuck- he was just so _young_ when he joined, you know? So innocent, and he was a whole two years younger than me-”

“God, shut up idiot, they’ll hear us.” Jinhwan took Jiwon by the arm and dragged him into the hallway. It wouldn’t do for Donghyuk to find out about the rapper’s feelings like this.

“Anyway, what’s your point? Hanbin’s two years younger than me, you know. Hell, Junhoe’s _three_ years younger.”

Jinhwan only realised he’d misspoken when Jiwon started looking at him funny.

“Junhoe? Why does _that_ age gap matter?”

Jiwon was the bluntness that Jinhwan was clearly missing in his life. The older opened and closed his mouth a few times before settling for a hasty response.

“It, uh, it doesn’t. Sorry, I’m drunk.”

_“Right.”_

Jinhwan realised that night that, perhaps, Hanbin and Junhoe were the loves of his life. And that, perhaps, he’d always known.

And as Jinhwan and Hanbin bear-hugged their guests goodbye and Jiwon gave him a pointed look mouthing the words ‘ _call me’_ , he feared that he wasn’t the only one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading <3 i'm sorry that this update took so long! 
> 
> twt: @thotjinhwan


	5. 5

Jinhwan awoke the next day feeling relaxed and at peace. He blinked his bleary eyes open and was rewarded by the sight of Hanbin’s _nihilism_ tattoo. Smiling to himself, he nuzzled further into the chest before him and pressed a few kisses to the bare skin that still smelled faintly of body lotion and the comforting, prevailing scent of _home_.

He then turned in Hanbin’s embrace, reaching out for his phone on the bedside table. He and Junhoe had an event to be at this evening- Comme des Garçons was opening up a flagship store in Seoul- but that was going to be a piece of cake, since it was just an appearance. He could leave Gimpo in the late afternoon and still make it on time.

Jinhwan unlocked his phone expecting to be greeted by his manager’s instructions, but was instead met with a name he hadn’t seen on his phone in a while.

 **JIWONNIE** 🌊 **:** **yo hyung i’m free the whole day 2day, come over n chill**

Jinhwan was about to grin but then, all at once, his brain caught up with him. Memories of the previous night flashed in his head, the epiphany that he had come to at the end of the evening hurling itself to the forefront of Jinhwan’s mind. He took a couple of deep breaths as he tried to process his emotions. When he found that he couldn’t, he sat up abruptly, chest heaving.

“...Babe?” Hanbin’s sleepy voice sounded.

“Just gonna take a shower!” Jinhwan called, already out of bed and into the bathroom. He couldn’t even bring himself to look at his boyfriend right now.

Jinhwan turned the faucet on and forced himself to just focus on showering. He was good at that: wishful thinking, getting his mind to override whatever sentiments present in his brain by concentrating on the task at hand. It was the classic idol coping method, after all. He couldn’t afford to let himself spiral into one of his moods now; especially on the off chance that Hanbin was already awake. One look at his face and the younger would know something was up.

Luckily for him, though, his boyfriend seemed to have fallen right back into a deep sleep when he exited the bathroom. Jinhwan watched him fondly as he got dressed.

“Bye.” Jinhwan whispered after he’d gotten ready. He pressed his lips to the younger’s forehead. “I love you, Binnie.”

“Love… so much…” Hanbin murmured, turning around, only to resume his unconsciousness.

Jinhwan blew him a kiss that he couldn’t see before exiting the room.

On Jinhwan’s drives between Gimpo and Seoul, he often found himself deep in thought: whether it was random topics _(where does wind come from?)_ or the state of his life. This morning, it was understandably the latter. He gripped the steering wheel tightly as he fidgeted around in his seat, trying to get more comfortable.

Jinhwan still couldn’t make head or tail of his romantic life, so his thoughts drifted off to his usual topic of choice to fret over: the future. He wasn’t the young, pretty little thing he was anymore when he’d started Mix and Match with the rest of the members. No- they would all be thirty soon, his own thirtieth birthday fast approaching in the next year. Before that came his enlistment. He had so many responsibilities, to his company, to Hanbin, Junhoe, his parents... he had finances to get in order, contracts to see to. He couldn’t believe how quickly his life had passed him by, and yet, how excruciatingly long some of those years had felt.

And so, when he finally got to Jiwon’s place he was in a weirdly melancholic mood, in real need of the mood-booster that he knew the younger to be.

Unfortunately for him, the rapper always had a knack for doing the exact opposite of what Jinhwan wanted.

“You have to tell him.”

“No.”

“But-”

_“No!”_

“Stop being a brat! You’re in a relationship with Hanbin and you have feelings for Junhoe... hyung, you gotta tell him.”

Jinhwan groaned and kicked his legs about petulantly on the couch. He was frustrated out of his mind. Jiwon, who was currently pacing around the living room before him, was absolutely right; and there had always been something that just didn’t sit well with his spirit about Jiwon being right.

“You know that I enlist in like- three months, right? And that Hanbin and I celebrate our anniversary next week?” Jinhwan argued, crossing his arms. “I don’t want to tell him and have everything go to shit when I’m about to leave for the military. There’s not gonna be enough time to fix it.”

“I know you.” Jiwon retorted, deciding to join him on the couch. He raised a brow. “You’re gonna keep this bottled up inside you and overthink it till you explode. The army is _not_ the place you want that to happen.”

Jinhwan whined, rubbing at his eyes. He didn’t want to do this. Didn’t want to be fretting over his boyfriend and best friend right now when he should really be using whatever free time he had to relax. Life just couldn’t give him a break.

“I don’t want to lose Hanbin, Jiwon.” The older’s voice was heavy with emotion, dangerously close to tears. The rapper may have the moral high ground, but the alternative truly terrified Jinhwan. “That’ll ruin me. And then I’ll really be a goner in the military.”

Jiwon was silent then, quickly putting an arm around Jinhwan’s shoulders for comfort.

“…Are you _sure_ you like Junhoe like that?” He finally asked, side eyeing him. Jinhwan laughed despite himself, hitting the other’s chest.

“What, you think I’ve got stockholm syndrome from us performing together for so long?”

“Your words, not mine!” Jiwon shrugged exaggeratedly.

“No.” Jinhwan giggled, feeling the slightest bit better at the younger’s antics. “I... yeah. I’m in love with him. I know I am. Can’t even pinpoint when it started, that’s how long it’s probably been.” He leaned back, eyes trained on the ceiling. It felt good to finally say it out loud. “Think I was always just too preoccupied with Hanbin to notice.”

He thought back to all the times he’d spent with his duet partner: all the laughs, memories, lessons, tears. So much of their lives had been spent in full throttle, with barely any time to stop and reflect. He wondered how many feelings and moments had sped past, unexplored.

“...you’re right.” Jiwon nodded. “I’m sorry. All this time I was thinking about Bin, but the next few years are gonna be tough on _you_.” He gave the older’s shoulder a squeeze. “Do what’s best for you. If that means not telling Hanbin, then so be it.”

Jinhwan worried his bottom lip, thinking it over. The option safeguarding his mental health was clear, but Jinhwan had never been one to think straight when it came to Hanbin. He sighed, hanging his head.

“God, I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”

Jiwon hummed the tune of the corresponding Blackpink song and got another hit on the arm.

“I’ll tell Hanbin.” Jinhwan breathed. “I’ve never kept secrets from him and I’m not about to start.”

“You sure about that?” Jiwon’s voice now had an undertone of protective aggression. “So you’ve told him about the sleepless, crying nights? The self-harm? The therapy you had to go through?”

“Watch it, Jiwon.” Jinhwan narrowed his eyes, irritated. “He would have done the same for me.”

“Maybe. All I’m saying,” The rapper reasoned, “Is that you’ve always put everyone else before yourself. Really think about what you want before making your decision.”

Jinhwan nodded.

“Good. I also, uh, hope you know that this is okay. You know… liking two people.”

Jinhwan did know, but it sure was nice to hear it from someone else.

“Thank you.” He smiled, squeezing the rapper’s cheek. “Really, Jiwon, thank you. Can I _please_ tease you about Donghyuk now?”

The younger rolled his eyes, albeit chuckling.

“Go nuts.”

Jinhwan drove home in a much, much better mood than when he had driven into Seoul, infinitely grateful for Jiwon’s friendship.

At exactly six o’clock, Jinhwan got fitted in his custom Comme des Garçons look and was just finishing up hair and makeup. He asked for the slightest bit more blush before nodding and getting himself misted with setting spray.

“All good to go?” His manager asked.

“Yep!” Jinhwan replied, snapping a few selfies to post on Instagram later.

“Great, let’s head to Gangnam.”

“Aren’t we picking up Junhoe on the way?” Jinhwan asked with a frown.

His manager shot him a look of surprise.

“Didn’t he tell you? He’s not coming. Food poisoning.”

Jinhwan’s lips formed a thin line. He knew that was a lie- they’d all eaten the exact same dinner yesterday. Junhoe would have woken up around lunchtime today, and Jinhwan doubted that the younger would have consumed something that could have made him contract a stomach condition in such a short space of time. Plus, Junhoe had never once gotten food poisoning in the ten years that they’d been friends- the guy had guts of steel.

“Shall we go?” Jinhwan’s manager’s voice cut into his thoughts. The idol ignored him, taking his phone out.

 **JINHWAN:** **hey, heard you were sick. hope everything’s okay? ❤️**

 **JUNE:** **down with the flu :(**

Jinhwan made a noise of exasperation and stuffed his phone back in his pocket.

The event went well; Jinhwan had always had a taste for the finer things in life and the store opening was very much to his taste. He sipped champagne, sampled hors d'oeuvres, made small talk with the other celebrities, smiled, posed for pictures and even did a spot of shopping. Just as he was about to check-out with his own haul, a wallet caught his eye. It was done in supple, black leather and was simple in design. A certain duet partner who was in desperate need of a new one came to mind. Jinhwan handed it over to the store clerk with a smile.

On his way back to Itaewon in the company car, Jinhwan started to feel bad about assuming the worst of Junhoe. Though he had enjoyed himself, he had really missed the younger at tonight’s event; Junhoe had a certain _je ne sais quoi_ about him that had always made the room that much brighter and time spent together more enjoyable.

A half hour later, Jinhwan was walking into Junhoe’s apartment, armed with his gift and some take-out from their favorite Chinese restaurant.

“...Hyung?” Junhoe's expression was one of shock. He was dressed in his usual adidas sweatpants and t-shirt ensemble, seated on the couch with Donghyuk, clearly in the middle of watching a variety show. Both of them had tell-tale green bottles in their hands, neither looking ill in the slightest. “What- you can’t just barge in here!”

Jinhwan took in the scene before him, tightening his hold on the gift bag.

“I brought you some congee but it looks like you’re doing just fine with soju.” He spat, seeing red. Junhoe and Donghyuk both had their mouths open, at a loss for words. “Cut the crap. Why didn’t you come to the event today if you weren’t sick? Do you have any idea how unprofessional that is?”

“I- I should go.” Donghyuk stuttered, quickly standing to leave. Junhoe made a few noises of protest but he shrugged them off, grabbing his keys. Donghyuk was the most respectful in the group and his reverence for Jinhwan as the oldest always made him incredibly passive.

“Dong c’mon, stay.”

Donghyuk hesitated, looking between Junhoe and Jinhwan, but one look at the oldest’s face and he was shaking his head.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” He said in a soft voice as he walked out the door. “Bye, hyung.”

“Bye, Dong.” Jinhwan replied, forcing himself to sound neutral. He was pissed at Junhoe, but moreover, he was _jealous_.

Junhoe got up from the sofa then, gaze heated.

“Don’t talk to _me_ about being unprofessional.” He sneered. “It was just an appearance. I informed my manager way beforehand.”

Jinhwan’s frown deepened as the guilt from his previous stuff-up resurfaced.

“That was a one-time thing and I’ve apologized for it. You’re holed up here playing truant- that’s so much worse!”

“So oversleeping after fucking your boyfriend is better?” Junhoe snickered meanly. “That’s rich. At least I told Jaeho hyung, so no one was expecting me!”

 _“I_ was expecting you!” Jinhwan yelled, sounding far more affected than he intended to. He tried to blink away the tears that were forming in his eyes, all the mental and physical exhaustion of the day finally taking its toll. “W-Why didn’t you just tell me?” He mumbled.

Junhoe immediately walked towards him, but abruptly stopped, apparently having chosen to stare at the inches of floor between them instead. Jinhwan sighed, shaking his head.

“What’s really going on, June?” He asked, the upset clear in his voice.

Junhoe’s shoulders sagged as if he was carrying the weight of the world.

“I... really needed some time to myself.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“No. Not mad.”

“Is there anything that I can do?”

Junhoe looked into his eyes and Jinhwan’s heart rate picked up significantly. He had a fleeting feeling that whatever the younger boy requested of him, he would do. To his relief (and crushing disappointment) though, the younger shook his head.

“No.” Junhoe said gently. “Thanks for checking up on me, but I just need some space.”

_Space from you._

Jinhwan nodded his head, a lump having formed in his throat. He placed the congee and gift bag on the dining table before turning to leave.


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uploaded from my phone and unbeta-ed 👉🏽👈🏽

What had always both scared and comforted Jinhwan in equal amounts about Hanbin was the younger’s sheer strength of will. Hanbin was strong- so, so strong. Strong to the point that Jinhwan knew if their relationship were to end for whatever reason, Hanbin could just throw himself into his work once more and somehow be healed by the melodies and chord sequences of his own creation.

He had certainly done it before: South Korea had been awful to the producer, and he had gotten through that rough patch in his life with little help from anyone else other than Jinhwan and his family. The two great loves of Hanbin’s life were music and his boyfriend, but music would always win out against Jinhwan.

Jinhwan knew that. It was just who Hanbin was.

That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt, though.

Today was the couple’s eight-year anniversary. Hanbin had promised Jinhwan that he would get out of the house for it, even get out of _Gimpo_ for it. Jinhwan, being overly excited, had gone all-out for the occasion: he had booked out the rooftop of his building to convert it into an open-air cinema to watch their favourite movie, and he’d made an appointment with a celebrity chef to prepare an 8-course meal that he’d personally contributed to himself.

Jinhwan had reminded Hanbin the week before, then three days before. His enlistment would mark the beginning of a blurry four years for the couple, as Hanbin was to enlist as soon as Jinhwan was set to be discharged. This was supposed to be a big night for them. It was supposed to be their last one together before Jinhwan had to leave for the military.

_Supposed to._

Currently, Jinhwan was fuming silently on his sofa as he poured himself his fourth glass of 1996 Pinot Noir. It was a little past midnight and he was still very much alone, all dolled up in his outfit for the night, yet with no one to see.

Sighing for what was probably the tenth time that night, he unlocked his phone. He had half a mind to call Hanbin and yell, but if he were being honest… he just didn’t have it in him.

Jinhwan was exhausted from album promotions and his general anxiety and he wanted, _needed_ , tonight to be okay- for it to not go to shit despite it all. He had to have just one good evening, after so many days of toil.

Thoughts muddled and feelings threatening to spill over, he took the last sip of wine from his glass before swiping through his contacts.

*

Kim Jiwon was a busy man. He had worked incredibly hard to get to where he was now: the inimitable _Bobby_ , the biggest rapper the country had ever produced. He’d toured the world at this point, twice over, and had collaborated with a host of his favourite artists, both locally and internationally.

A typical day for the rapper was spent hitting the gym, going to the studio, working on music and fielding the droves of artists asking for a coveted feature.

When he wasn’t working on his own craft, he was helping others hone their own; he had bought a nightclub dubbed _Cakeshop_ that was insanely popular in Gangnam, which he used to host open-mic and battle-rap events for up and coming artists. Today was one of those nights, and the venue was packed.

Jiwon himself liked to be as involved as possible in the club’s happenings- he had seen plenty a sunbae leave things to people they put too much trust in, only to end up on the front pages of the tabloids. Dispatch was still as ruthless now as they had been five years ago.

Jiwon loved managing the club, though. He had always liked meeting new people and he had a good mix of regulars that showed up on the weekends; everyone from the local run-of-the-mill clubbers to industry executives. Cakeshop wasn’t the most popular club in Gangnam by a long shot- everyone still preferred EDM to hip hop- but it was definitely a fixture.

So, it was safe to say that the rapper was fairly familiar with most of his patrons- and tonight, as he made his way to the bar, he glimpsed someone who was definitely not one of them. His brows almost reached his hairline as he confirmed the familiar figure of none other than Kim Jinhwan, giggling and downing his drink in the lap of someone who was decidedly not Hanbin. Someone that he knew all too well.

“Jinan?” Jiwon blurted out, worry clear on his face as he approached the two men. “What are you doing here?”

“‘M _drrrinking_. Drink with me Jiwonnie!” Jinhwan tittered, leaning on the other man’s chest. “Hey, look who’s here!”

Jiwon tried his best to smile at Jinwoo, he really did; but what came out was a pained grimace. This was an uncomfortable situation, for so many different reasons.

“Great to see you, hyung.” Jiwon said as politely as possible to his senior before turning to his friend. “Look, you shouldn’t be here... acting like this.” He turned around and was dismayed to see people already pulling their phones out, unabashedly filming.

“A-Are you ashamed of me?” Jinhwan hiccupped cutely, orbs glassy and blissfully unaware of the eyes trained on them. Jiwon looked back to him in shock.

“What- no. Hyung, I could never. I just know that you’re gonna regret this tomorrow; you’re in the middle of promotions, for fuck’s sake. Look, drink all you want, but let’s move to a private room.”

“I just came to see you.” Jinhwan pouted, leaning forward while still in Jinwoo’s lap.

The younger rolled his eyes. “We both know you would’ve called first. Now come on, let’s go to the VIP.”

“No.” Jinhwan huffed, leaning his head on Jiwon's shoulder. “I wanna... god, I wanna go home.”

“Let me take you.” Jinwoo offered, already standing up. Jiwon wanted to violently swat his hands off his best friend’s hips. “I was just leaving, anyway.”

The rapper was about to vehemently object- he knew Hanbin would likely kill him if he didn’t- but to his surprise, Jinhwan shook his head all on his own, drunkenly mumbling a name the younger was all too happy to hear.

“Gotcha.” Jiwon nodded, sighing in relief.

Junhoe rocked up to the club not really knowing what to expect. He knew that whatever it was, though, it wouldn’t be pretty. He was well aware that it was Hanbin and Jinhwan’s anniversary today (he was the one who had recommended the chef), but Jiwon and his duet partner had sounded anything but festive over the phone.

Things between him and Jinhwan were weird last week, but the pair had seemed to have moved past it by the end of fourty-eight hours. This was largely thanks to Junhoe, who was very aware that his best friend was enlisting in less than three months and would be damned if he let his pride get in the way of spending time with him before the dreaded period started. Also, album promotions.

Jinhwan had been only mildly tipsy when Junhoe had arrived to fetch him. Jiwon, bless his soul, had clearly forced a few glasses of water down his throat- the oldest sounded much more sober now than on the call.

Even so, Jinhwan had taken one look at Junhoe and thrown himself into his arms. The younger caught him in surprise, stumbling back a little from the force. He blinked at the fluffy head of hair against his chest in alarm before looking up.

 _“What happened?”_ Junhoe mouthed to Jiwon. The rapper shrugged back at him, looking equal parts clueless and tired. The youngest sighed, glancing down at the man still in his arms.

“You okay?” He whispered.

 _“No_. I need to do my nighttime skincare routine _right now.”_ Was Jinhwan’s hushed, slurred reply. Junhoe chuckled in relief. He bid Bobby goodbye and escorted his friend to his car.

Twenty minutes later, Junhoe hurriedly keyed in the passcode and stepped into Jinhwan’s apartment. His hand automatically went for the light switch, but his gaze was sucked in by the room in its entirety; already lit by warm, amber light.

His jaw dropped while Jinhwan traipsed on ahead, collapsing onto the couch.

Junhoe let him- he needed a moment to take this in. The older had a tastefully decorated apartment for sure, but tonight it looked absolutely stunning; various bouquets and arrangements of fragrant blooms adorned the walls and the floor, leaving only a narrow pathway to the living room area.

Candles were placed all around the apartment too, still burning- it was a wonder that the whole place hadn’t gone up in flames while they’d been out. Junhoe looked around in awe as he moved through the flowers, his eyes finally moving to the living room couch. Jinhwan still looked exquisite under the mood lighting in his suit and tie, as disheveled as he was.

“...I hope you don’t expect me to decorate like this the next time you come over.” He joked.

“Shut the fuck up.”

Junhoe put his hands up in surrender, not expecting the abrasiveness from the older. When Jinhwan needed to be alone, he usually communicated that pretty effectively- but he’d specifically asked for him to come upstairs earlier.

“You’re the one who wanted me here, Jinan.” Junhoe took one more look around the meticulously decorated apartment and sighed. “What happened with you and Hanbin hyung? You guys fight?”

Jinhwan sighed, the force of it making him slump forwards, eyes trained to the floor. He looked like he had the world on his shoulders and Junhoe, somewhat bitterly, figured that he probably did- Hanbin was Jinhwan’s world, after all.

“He...” Jinhwan’s lower lip trembled as he tried to hold himself together. “He didn’t even show up for us to get to that part.”

Junhoe hadn’t heard Jinhwan sound that distraught in a long, long time. He could hear the hurt in his voice, even more when he promptly burst into tears.

Junhoe crossed the room in seconds, although stopping just shy of the older man. It was at times like this that he wished he could just make a decision and stick with it; everyone who knew Junhoe knew that he was driven by his impulses, but the only time he’d ever come to reject them was around Jinhwan. It had become a protective measure, so much to the point that he wasn’t able to give the older support when he clearly needed it.

Jinhwan’s bawling started to reach a specific pitch, and that was when Junhoe decided to fuck the rules he’d laid out for himself.

“Jinan...” He murmured, sitting down on the couch and throwing his arms around his friend. Jinhwan quickly turned to face him, wetting his shirt with tears and snot as he buried his face in the younger’s chest. Junhoe let him. “Hyung... I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

Jinhwan cried some more, his petite frame heaving with little sobs. Junhoe pulled him closer, rubbing his back soothingly.

“What’s _wrong_ with me?” Jinhwan hiccupped, now trying to catch his breath. He looked up at Junhoe with glassy, red eyes. “Why can’t I be _enough?”_

Junhoe swore his heart broke in that moment. He loved Hanbin like a brother, but he would have smacked the guy upside the head right about now if he were here. Jinhwan had a rarely-discussed, well-concealed inferiority complex that life had been cruel enough to keep adding on to, and Junhoe hated that his relationship had become one of the contributing factors.

“Hey, listen to me.” The younger started, voice full of sincerity. He didn’t know where he was going with this, but he had to try. “You are enough. You’re more than enough. You’re the best person I know, Jinan.”

Jinhwan chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re just saying that.”

“I’m dead serious.” Junhoe insisted. It pained him that the older still thought so little of himself, despite everything he’d achieved. “You deserve to be treated well by the people you care about. Everything we are- we owe so much of it to you. You get people, in ways they don’t even know they need to be understood. If you don’t, you still try your best, and that’s worth everything... to me, at least. You’re my rock. I look for elements of our friendship in every relationship I’ve ever had, platonic or otherwise. You’re so special to me Jinan, I...” Junhoe trailed off, realising that he’d gone on one of his infamous tangents, this one more dangerous than most.

Jinhwan had stopped crying now, only letting a few quiet sniffles out. He was looking at Junhoe with the strangest expression.

 _Was Jinhwan drunk enough that he could pass this off? Had he made things weird?_ The younger panicked, which only prompted more word vomit.

“I just think that you’ve always been more than enough because you’ve always been more than what you’ve needed to be, you know? Did that make sense? It made sense to me. Anyway, you must be tired, so why don’t you drink some water and-”

“June.”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

“...okay.”

A ghost of a smile played at Jinhwan’s lips, and Junhoe felt relieved that he’d made older feel at least slightly better. That relief was short-lived, though, as Jinhwan reached out to place a hand on the younger’s shoulder.

Junhoe gulped as he felt the older caress him. They’d had platonic cuddles before, but never like this; never with Jinhwan looking at him the way he was right now.

“What are you doing?” Junhoe asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Nothing...” Jinhwan murmured, but his hands kept travelling up, now at the younger’s nape. His little fingers were cold and clammy, but they set Junhoe’s body on fire. Once he’d made purchase in the dark locks, he moved closer, eyes fluttering shut. And Junhoe leaned in too, despite looking deeply torn... but only for a split second, before firmly pushing the older back.

“I am not going to take advantage of drunk you.” The younger shook his head, scooting up the couch so that there was now a good bit of distance between them. He could barely think straight- having the object of his affections so close to him had his heart beating out of his chest.

“I’m _not_ drunk.” Jinhwan retorted, now both embarrassed and upset. Everything that had gone wrong this evening was starting to catch up with him again; he had been forgotten by Hanbin earlier, and now rejected Junhoe.

Jinhwan heard himself lash out before he even processed the thought. “What’s the matter, huh? What, aren’t you in love with me?” Even in his less than sober state he knew it was a low blow, but he couldn’t stop himself. His hand flew up to cover his mouth in shock. “Fuck. Fuck, Junhoe I’m so sorry-”

“And what if I am?” Junhoe bit back, standing up and rounding on the older. He was angry now- he didn’t appreciate having his feelings toyed with, especially not from someone who was supposed to be his best friend. When the older boy was silent for a few beats, seemingly at a loss for words, he sighed in frustration. “Where do we go from here, huh? What the fuck Jinhwan, do you have any idea how-”

“I’m in love with you, too.” Jinhwan said quietly, looking up at him. The words stunned Junhoe into shock, while tears steadily pooled in the older’s eyes.

“N-No you aren’t, stop it.” Junhoe stuttered, refusing to accept the words he’d wanted to hear for so long. “Hanbin...”

“I love him too.” Jinhwan nodded slowly. He sighed, wiping at his eyes again. “And I love you. So much. You’re my rock too, Junhoe. You have been for so long.” He brought his hands together, fidgeting like he usually did when he got nervous.

Junhoe blinked, taking it all in. Just hearing Jinhwan say those words to him was making his stomach feel all funny, but he had to juxtaposition this information against what he already knew. He’d loved Jinhwan for a long, long time, but he didn’t want to come second to Hanbin. No, he knew how possessive he was, and that the jealousy would eat at him. Hell, it was even rearing its ugly head right now.

“I can’t be your sidepiece.” He pursed his lips. “I can’t be your dirty little secret while you parade Hanbin around as your official boyfriend.”

“June, that’s not what this is.” Jinhwan stood up as well, though on wobbly legs. “I’m- I guess the word is polyamorous. There’s no one or the other here. I care about you both just as deeply. Of _course_ I’d tell people about us if we started dating, I’d be so proud to.”

Junhoe stared Jinhwan down, unable to believe what he was hearing. When he looked at Jinhwan, he saw a culmination of all things good in his life: love, security, consistency, warmth. To be told so explicitly that he was loved, by the most beautiful person he knew (very high praise, he’d bested Junhoe by 1%), was the greatest privilege he’d even known.

“Can I hug you?” The younger asked, almost shyly.

Jinhwan smiled. “Of course you can.”

Jinhwan flew into Junhoe’s arms for the second time that night, hugging him tight. The younger wrapped him up with a laugh, dropping his head so that he could fill his senses with his duet partner.

“...did you buy a new perfume?”

“No?” Jinhwan pulled back. He looked confused before slightly embarrassed. “Oh… I, uh, was in Jinwoo’s lap earlier. At the club.”

Junhoe made a face. “Gross.”

“Very embarrassing.” Jinhwan agreed.

They chuckled together, and Jinhwan couldn’t help but be taken with just how handsome the younger really was. They were still holding on to each other, so close- if Junhoe just leaned in the slightest bit...

“I want to kiss you.”

Jinhwan sucked in a breath. Junhoe had always lacked a filter, and had a knack for saying what was on both of their minds.

“M-Me too.” It felt weird saying to be actually saying this to Junhoe out loud. “But I can’t... not yet. I should talk to-"

“Hanbin. Yeah.”

Jinhwan looked apologetic. This whole ordeal couldn’t have been easy for Junhoe. Being as good as a friend as he had been all these years, without once overstepping a boundary, was no small feat.

“I love and appreciate you, June. But I’ve been dating Hanbin a long time, so I do need to talk to him about this. About us.”

Junhoe nodded. “Jinan, I... I didn’t think I’d get a chance to have a shot with you, much less know you feel the same.” He exhaled, taking all of it in. “Go and talk to Hanbin. If you still wanna continue this, then great. And if you don’t… well, I’m sorry but you'll still have to be my friend. There’s not a whole lot of people who can tolerate me.”

Jinhwan laughed, bright and melodious. “I love you, moron. We'll be friends no matter what.” He sighed, looking up fondly. “You’re too good to me.”

“I guess someone has to be.” Junhoe smirked.

He got a little slap for that, and then a kiss in the same spot.

*

The next morning saw a very hungover Jinhwan waking up alone. He reached for his phone out of habit, but was instead met with a note, which was placed neatly on his bedside table with a glass of water and some aspirin.

_the only fire hazard that should be allowed in your apartment is myself. 36 candles are way too much. i had to blow them all out myself!! i’m so fucking tired, sleep well- me_

Jinhwan smiled at the messy scrawl. It was so like Junhoe to write a note instead of just sending a text.

Absolutely nothing had happened last night: Jinhwan made a fool of himself trying to come on to the younger, they talked about it- the end. Junhoe had aggressively coddled him to bed promptly after they’d hugged, and then gone straight home.

Jinhwan was still upset, but more calm than he’d felt in a long time. Confessing to Junhoe had taken a weight off his shoulders, but what’s more was that it had actually gone well. Jinhwan hadn’t expected Junhoe to blow up at him- he had matured considerably from the teenager who’d dissed their own CEO on national television- but he had been the slightest bit worried, and felt so much lighter now. He just wished his throbbing head could physically manifest that.

Wincing, he sat up enough to gulp the water down with the pills before feeling around the bed for his phone. He’d only just located it when the device started buzzing incessantly in his hand. Jinhwan stared at the screen for a good five seconds before clicking accept.

“O-Oh,” There was rustling in the background, as if the caller was moving to stand. “You actually picked up.”

Jinhwan couldn’t help the frown that settled on to his features. “That’s usually what happens when you call someone.”

“…this is my tenth call this morning.”

Jinhwan winced at the headache becoming increasingly more apparent at the back of his head. “Uhuh. Did you have something to say, Hanbin?”

“Can... can I please come over?” Hanbin asked. He sounded appropriately anxious- he hadn’t stepped foot in Seoul in over a year. Jinhwan was a second away from suggesting he could come over to Gimpo instead, but held his tongue. There was no way he could possibly drive himself over in this state, anyway.

“Okay.” He said instead. Junhoe was right- he deserved this.

“Great.” The younger replied, sounding a little relieved. “I love you. See you in an hour.”

“Sure.” Jinhwan responded curtly before cutting the call. Lying back into his pillows, he closed his eyes and tried to get a fucking grip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry I haven’t updated this in so long, I’ve had such a bad case of writer’s block 😭 pls lmk what u think of this chapter + @TRPLKIM if you’re reading this ily <3


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